Feature image: Let’s Talk Better’s Darren with Casey Gemma.
Revolution?
“We’re democratising exercise. We’re taking it back, together. This is the beginning of the revolution”, said actress Jameela Jamil at the close of I Weigh Community’s UK debut ‘Move For Your Mind’ event in London on 19th January 2024. This was a group of people meeting up to have fun and counteract toxicity in society around bodies and minds. We were united behind Jameela’s message that, “You must move your bodies for you, and not our ridiculous society”.
The more I listen to Jameela’s stories (and podcast), the more I understand why this is needed, and that I can identify as part of the ‘we’ of I Weigh. Such as her statement that, “I really mean this s**t. This is what I am obsessed with… for you… and no one being as sad as I was for half of my life”. That half involving anorexia, depression, and an illness that isn’t always diagnosed or acknowledged.
As I Weigh’s campaign of activism and radical inclusivity accelerates in its sixth year, it hit the ground running in the UK with this joyous, no-holds-barred celebration of movement. It tackled tired, tiresome, and persistent conventions around the ‘ideal’ body, ‘no pain, no gain’, and diet culture, a culture that in some respects might be getting worse, not better.
The day begins
I was an early arrival, third in the queue outside the venue, and grateful for the sun appearing on a very cold day. Inside, I was soon in a hall with a freshly painted pink backdrop, Strictly Come Dancing-style glitterballs, and portable benches (soon to come in useful) with gifts waiting for us (gym sweat towels, canned drinks, and I Weigh badges). Jameela bounced onto the stage (yes, that isn’t just a cliché), saying, “Holy s**t, I am an absolutely petrified public speaker!” More serious words followed, “I can’t believe diet culture has worked its way into every area of our lives, and now exercise.” As Jameela later said, for a long time she regarded exercise as self-punishment for any departure from a diet regime.
Breaking barriers, and still broken lifts
Jameela said she “…started I Weigh, with PMS, in the back of a tour van.” There is clearly a lot more to I Weigh than reclaiming movement, but this day with one focus was a terrific showcase for change. That was clear from the first panel session, with Casey Gemma, Elizabeth Davies and Stephanie Yeboah. All three, and Jameela, have suffered from eating disorders. Their session, ‘Breaking Barriers & Stereotypes’ was as frank as anyone would expect if they have listened to Jameela’s I Weigh podcast. I felt tearful when Casey revealed that the lift in her gym hasn’t worked for 9 months, meaning she has to be carried upstairs. I loved stories such one told by as Elizabeth, a.k.a., ‘ThisWomanLIFTS’ – about going to the gym after childbirth and wetting herself, leading to the awkward discovery that “… there’s so little they tell us about our bodies”. Stephanie offered the very sad thought that, as a fat black girl (words taken from the title of her book), “I have always associated gym fitness with shame”, but she also went on to say she is now enjoying the gym, to build up her favourite features (not the words she used!). The quote of the session came from Jameela, “If you’re getting bigger or smaller, it doesn’t matter. Are you getting happier? Are you sleeping better?” I also loved Casey’s saying, “At the moment my mantra is ‘feel the fear and do it anyway'”, which means a lot to me since trauma therapist Susie K. Brooks introduced me to the indispensable book of that name recently. Casey added, “Coming out of your comfort zone a little bit opens up a whole new world.”
Liberation
Then Jameela was joined on stage by comedian Sofie Hagen, one of Jameela’s “absolute faves”, who here introduced Jameela to the concept of a ‘Queer movement specialist’, a personal trainer/therapist who is helping her address body pain issues, and to learn about her nervous system – something she recommends to others. Gym was, to say the least, not a comfort zone for Sofie, but having discovered “fat liberation – it was such a relief I didn’t have to exercise again”, she says, “I really do like the gym now… I kind of feel dirty for saying it!”
Somatic time
After a break and those moveable benches were, indeed, moved, Aki Omori led the room in a somatic movement session. This consisted of gentle movement, self-awareness of parts of the body, and (with permission) touching others. It was well-timed, for even though speaker after speaker had spoken of progress and hope, they had also described numerous harrowing experiences at the hands of societal norms and diet culture. In some cases with the fear Jameela expressed, “Am I going to get sucked back into this? It’s terrifying.”
On reflection, I know that it is all too possible to slip back into bad habits, let alone conditions such as anorexia, something that I have picked up from campaigner Jenny Tomei of askjenup, here in Bromley.
No Panic at this Disco
Disco – as Sophie Ellis Bextor has reminded us – is cool, and so was the leader of the next session, Movement Director Joelle D. Fontaine of At Your Beat, ‘pioneers of diversifying fitness’. I loved the lights being dimmed for those of us lacking in dance moves and coordination so that we couldn’t as easily envy the more talented! I also loved the dance, which was brisk and joyful, without being hardcore, especially Tina Turner’s ‘Proud Mary’. I chatted on the day with people who said that they love fitness trainers who look like them. Well, my bod doesn’t look like Joelle’s! Even so, it was another session of joyful movement. Jameela said, “How different my life would have been with something like this.”
Cakecercise!
By then the feelgood factor in the room was off the charts, with complete strangers smiling at each other in a very un-British manner, and I took time out to investigate the refreshments (and a toilet with a mirror with the words ‘YOU’RE DOING AMAZING’ happily emblazoned on it).
Joy of joys, this was a movement event without shame, and so the range of carelessly calorific bagels, and The Female Glaze products was a joy to behold, and the slabs of red velvet cake and brownies seemed especially popular!
F**k, yeah! ASICS
As our digestions coped with cake, we moved more slowly on to a sponsored session, the ASICS panel, “the only ‘inclusive’ brand that said, ‘F**k, yeah’ immediately” to helping, confided Jameela. This panel, ‘Moving away from performance-based exercise’ featured Megan Jayne Crabbe (who I had met and been impressed by before), Tally Rye, and Hayley Jarvis of MIND. Tally’s message was, “If all you think about is diet and exercise, you don’t have much time for anything else… I got out of my selfish bubble.” And, which as a person newly enjoying purposeful walking, I very much get her saying, “Whatever gets you going, gets you going.” Perhaps even better was the slating the panel gave to the ‘no pain, no gain’ philosophy, reinforced in movies, Jameela said, by the message that if “people are having fun, you’re not working hard enough.”
Hayley referred to working with ‘jolly joggers’, another new concept to me, aged 18-88, and working for ‘Couch to 5K’, but with a difference. Hayley said, “It’s not really about the running. Park Run? It should be called Park Walk. You don’t have to run.”
15:09
Tally Rye led a movement session called ‘15.09’, after the amount of time movement is said to take before a provable uplift in mood. I had gone off (unsuccessfully) to discover whether the I Weigh themed T-shirts I had seen near the food and drink could be purchased. Consequently I only joined in for part of this movement session, meaning I moved for under 15 minutes and 9 seconds – and I still had a mood uplift from participating.
Joyful jiggles
The ‘Joyful Jiggles Twerkshop’ with Megan Jayne Crabbe and Nana Crawford didn’t deliver on my worst fears, e.g., compelling me to rotate my posterior extravagantly and ostentatiously, but this was the point at which a few of my more neglected muscles started a gentle protest. Post-event video confirmed that the twerking was more pronounced the nearer you got to the stage!
Missfits fitted right in
Becky Scott’s movement session was stretchy, without being stretching, affirmative and beautiful. I had earlier had a conversation (and an uncoordinated, breathless pairing in Tally Rye’s movement session) with Gabriela, a soon-to-be website founder who said she loved attending training classes run by people who “look like me” – meaning those with plus-size figures. The icon of Missfits Workout, as it turned out, was one of those trainers who she was talking about. I chatted with Becky afterwards and loved the warmth of her personality.
Taking #iweigh to the London borough of Bromley
Remember, what Jameela said early on? About starting I Weigh, with PMS, in the back of a tour van? I Weigh and its messages can’t grow in isolation. They need support and supporters. That’s why I am talking about it via every channel I can (such as this community podcast episode) and to people I meet, now, day in, day out. It is also why Clarity Coach Zeenat Noorani and I have the I Weigh badges and towel on in the image above, standing in front of a map of Bromley, where we live, and where we started our own campaign, Let’s Talk Better. We can help I Weigh ‘on the ground’ by spreading the word here and beyond, and we will. That starts in earnest with this blog post and at our upcoming first anniversary event, ‘Celebrating Positivity’, on 22nd February. That was why I asked about the T shirts. Plus, I quite like the idea of strolling about with a T-Shirt emblazoned with the word ‘NO’.
What impact did the event really have on me? Gaining a sense of lasting relief from being with good people doing exceptional things. Pleasure at knowing that people from across the UK and beyond are pushing back against the most dangerous impacts of advertising and social media. Concern as, for all that I Weigh is doing, there is so much more to be done before we humans can feel comfortable in our own skins.
Missing men?
Is there even more to be done among men? Out of around 160 attendees, I was one of rather less than 10 men present, including the people there to work. This came some time after I had attended a book launch Q & A session run for Michelle Elman and Megan Jayne Crabbe. I had been the only man in a room of 50 or so people. The book was titled ‘The Importance Of Being Selfish’. Both that and ‘Movement for the mind’ theme of I Weigh aren’t gender-specific. At I Weigh, once again, I felt a little like I was a delegate for another gender. When I did find a first fellow man to speak to, he told me that he didn’t really know what the event was for, but he had thought it might be fun, so he bought a ticket. Are men sleepwalking through what is a widely acknowledged mental health crisis? Are we even more part of it in our impact on women by not thinking about this stuff? Questions I would like to put to male friendship expert Max Dickins, who may have picked up insights into this along the way. Jameela Jamil has spoken on her podcast about the need to engage men, and did here as well. I am going to talk about I Weigh at the often male-dominated business networking events I attend, especially the one I mention below.
Exercise horror!
I had a shock one week after the event when I attended a business networking group that I visit from time to time. It has a rather laddish culture: swearing (I can’t cope with swearing in a meeting that starts at 6.30am!) and anatomical jokes are the norm. Unlike at the I Weigh event, men outnumber women. One movement instructor, I won’t say which variety, delivered a short ‘elevator’ pitch, and talked about their studio being a ‘torture chamber’, filled with devices to suspend and contort clients. They recounted how one recent client had screamed during a session. This produced laughter from the room, and horror from me. How has our attitude to health and movement normalised this?
Little wonder, then, that Jameela had said, “This movement is about finding trainers to help us do it for ourselves.” Certainly not those who take exercise as meaning that sweating, hurting, and most of all throwing up are a “badge of honour”.
I Weigh pride
My blue I Weigh gym sweat towel is now proudly adorned with two I Weigh badges that I took home, and it might even find its way into an actual gym! Where I will be, in the spirit of I Weigh, under no pressure to do anything.
Because I am fine, just as I am.
We all are. Or we should be.
Darren Weale, 27 January 2024
Support footnote – and The Perfection Trap
The I Weigh event was contributed to by several businesses. Movements move faster with money and people to help them, so credit to ASICS, the Cerina App, FHIRST Living Soda, Grass & Co, Liquid Death drinks, SCULPTED by Aimee, and more. And, of course, to Radfield Home Care in Bromley, who have helped us. Though I Weigh is much more a message than it is product or service, and it is the message that is important.
The author of ‘The Perfection Trap’, Thomas Curran, says in that book that there is a very strong and unhealthy link between things being identified that should be good for us, problems that need to be solved, and the sale of commercial products and services. “Think positive! (Yes!) Unlock your potential! (Yes!!) You’ve got this! (Yes!!!)… Here’s a gym membership (Oh). You only have to peel back the wafer-thin facade of this age-old [advertising] industry and you’ll invariably find the timeless detail: not cool enough, not fit enough, not attractive enough, not productive enough without a certain brand, subscription, gadget or commodity.”
He goes on to say, “We are who we are: the rickety lump of imperfection that we go to sleep with every night. Embracing those flaws, being kind to ourselves, and recognising that to be human is to be fallible is the equivalent of taking a sledgehammer to perfectionism. Keep practising self-compassion whenever this world tries to defeat you. Because no matter what the advert says, you will go on with your imperfect existence whether you make that purchase or not. And that existence is – can only ever be – enough.”
Let's Talk Better 