Let’s Talk Better is a campaign founded in February 2023 by Zeenat Noorani and Darren Weale aiming to encourage better conversations to improve people’s lives. It has a practical focus in the London borough of Bromley, and is creating a toolkit to inspire better conversations more widely. We are grateful to Radfield Home Care for sponsoring two of our events to date.
The Power of Words
Written by Emma Mehuex.
A beautiful and inspiring poem written by Emma, especially for the Let’s Talk Better campaign which she read aloud at the First Anniversary event ‘ Celebrating Positivity’ on the 22nd of February 2024.
Emma has been a huge loyal supporter of what the LTB stands for since it launched in February 2023, not missing a single event. More importantly, what we do has given her and many others a platform where they feel safe to speak up for the very first time, sharing their ghosts from the past. And this is exactly what Emma did. She shared and spoke about her challenges of the past through several poems, touching the hearts of many of us who were in that room. These poems she shared were heard for the very first time ever. We are honoured that you chose Let’s Talk Better to do this and to create a poem for us.
Thank you Emma.
You are BRAVE, INSPIRATIONAL and truly RESILIENT.
Author Zeenat Noorani
#iweigh goes live and lively in the UK
Feature image: Let’s Talk Better’s Darren with Casey Gemma.
Revolution?
“We’re democratising exercise. We’re taking it back, together. This is the beginning of the revolution”, said actress Jameela Jamil at the close of I Weigh Community’s UK debut ‘Move For Your Mind’ event in London on 19th January 2024. This was a group of people meeting up to have fun and counteract toxicity in society around bodies and minds. We were united behind Jameela’s message that, “You must move your bodies for you, and not our ridiculous society”.
The more I listen to Jameela’s stories (and podcast), the more I understand why this is needed, and that I can identify as part of the ‘we’ of I Weigh. Such as her statement that, “I really mean this s**t. This is what I am obsessed with… for you… and no one being as sad as I was for half of my life”. That half involving anorexia, depression, and an illness that isn’t always diagnosed or acknowledged.
As I Weigh’s campaign of activism and radical inclusivity accelerates in its sixth year, it hit the ground running in the UK with this joyous, no-holds-barred celebration of movement. It tackled tired, tiresome, and persistent conventions around the ‘ideal’ body, ‘no pain, no gain’, and diet culture, a culture that in some respects might be getting worse, not better.
The day begins
I was an early arrival, third in the queue outside the venue, and grateful for the sun appearing on a very cold day. Inside, I was soon in a hall with a freshly painted pink backdrop, Strictly Come Dancing-style glitterballs, and portable benches (soon to come in useful) with gifts waiting for us (gym sweat towels, canned drinks, and I Weigh badges). Jameela bounced onto the stage (yes, that isn’t just a cliché), saying, “Holy s**t, I am an absolutely petrified public speaker!” More serious words followed, “I can’t believe diet culture has worked its way into every area of our lives, and now exercise.” As Jameela later said, for a long time she regarded exercise as self-punishment for any departure from a diet regime.
Breaking barriers, and still broken lifts
Jameela said she “…started I Weigh, with PMS, in the back of a tour van.” There is clearly a lot more to I Weigh than reclaiming movement, but this day with one focus was a terrific showcase for change. That was clear from the first panel session, with Casey Gemma, Elizabeth Davies and Stephanie Yeboah. All three, and Jameela, have suffered from eating disorders. Their session, ‘Breaking Barriers & Stereotypes’ was as frank as anyone would expect if they have listened to Jameela’s I Weigh podcast. I felt tearful when Casey revealed that the lift in her gym hasn’t worked for 9 months, meaning she has to be carried upstairs. I loved stories such one told by as Elizabeth, a.k.a., ‘ThisWomanLIFTS’ – about going to the gym after childbirth and wetting herself, leading to the awkward discovery that “… there’s so little they tell us about our bodies”. Stephanie offered the very sad thought that, as a fat black girl (words taken from the title of her book), “I have always associated gym fitness with shame”, but she also went on to say she is now enjoying the gym, to build up her favourite features (not the words she used!). The quote of the session came from Jameela, “If you’re getting bigger or smaller, it doesn’t matter. Are you getting happier? Are you sleeping better?” I also loved Casey’s saying, “At the moment my mantra is ‘feel the fear and do it anyway'”, which means a lot to me since trauma therapist Susie K. Brooks introduced me to the indispensable book of that name recently. Casey added, “Coming out of your comfort zone a little bit opens up a whole new world.”
Liberation
Then Jameela was joined on stage by comedian Sofie Hagen, one of Jameela’s “absolute faves”, who here introduced Jameela to the concept of a ‘Queer movement specialist’, a personal trainer/therapist who is helping her address body pain issues, and to learn about her nervous system – something she recommends to others. Gym was, to say the least, not a comfort zone for Sofie, but having discovered “fat liberation – it was such a relief I didn’t have to exercise again”, she says, “I really do like the gym now… I kind of feel dirty for saying it!”
Somatic time
After a break and those moveable benches were, indeed, moved, Aki Omori led the room in a somatic movement session. This consisted of gentle movement, self-awareness of parts of the body, and (with permission) touching others. It was well-timed, for even though speaker after speaker had spoken of progress and hope, they had also described numerous harrowing experiences at the hands of societal norms and diet culture. In some cases with the fear Jameela expressed, “Am I going to get sucked back into this? It’s terrifying.”
On reflection, I know that it is all too possible to slip back into bad habits, let alone conditions such as anorexia, something that I have picked up from campaigner Jenny Tomei of askjenup, here in Bromley.
No Panic at this Disco
Disco – as Sophie Ellis Bextor has reminded us – is cool, and so was the leader of the next session, Movement Director Joelle D. Fontaine of At Your Beat, ‘pioneers of diversifying fitness’. I loved the lights being dimmed for those of us lacking in dance moves and coordination so that we couldn’t as easily envy the more talented! I also loved the dance, which was brisk and joyful, without being hardcore, especially Tina Turner’s ‘Proud Mary’. I chatted on the day with people who said that they love fitness trainers who look like them. Well, my bod doesn’t look like Joelle’s! Even so, it was another session of joyful movement. Jameela said, “How different my life would have been with something like this.”
Cakecercise!
By then the feelgood factor in the room was off the charts, with complete strangers smiling at each other in a very un-British manner, and I took time out to investigate the refreshments (and a toilet with a mirror with the words ‘YOU’RE DOING AMAZING’ happily emblazoned on it).
Joy of joys, this was a movement event without shame, and so the range of carelessly calorific bagels, and The Female Glaze products was a joy to behold, and the slabs of red velvet cake and brownies seemed especially popular!
F**k, yeah! ASICS
As our digestions coped with cake, we moved more slowly on to a sponsored session, the ASICS panel, “the only ‘inclusive’ brand that said, ‘F**k, yeah’ immediately” to helping, confided Jameela. This panel, ‘Moving away from performance-based exercise’ featured Megan Jayne Crabbe (who I had met and been impressed by before), Tally Rye, and Hayley Jarvis of MIND. Tally’s message was, “If all you think about is diet and exercise, you don’t have much time for anything else… I got out of my selfish bubble.” And, which as a person newly enjoying purposeful walking, I very much get her saying, “Whatever gets you going, gets you going.” Perhaps even better was the slating the panel gave to the ‘no pain, no gain’ philosophy, reinforced in movies, Jameela said, by the message that if “people are having fun, you’re not working hard enough.”
Hayley referred to working with ‘jolly joggers’, another new concept to me, aged 18-88, and working for ‘Couch to 5K’, but with a difference. Hayley said, “It’s not really about the running. Park Run? It should be called Park Walk. You don’t have to run.”
15:09
Tally Rye led a movement session called ‘15.09’, after the amount of time movement is said to take before a provable uplift in mood. I had gone off (unsuccessfully) to discover whether the I Weigh themed T-shirts I had seen near the food and drink could be purchased. Consequently I only joined in for part of this movement session, meaning I moved for under 15 minutes and 9 seconds – and I still had a mood uplift from participating.
Joyful jiggles
The ‘Joyful Jiggles Twerkshop’ with Megan Jayne Crabbe and Nana Crawford didn’t deliver on my worst fears, e.g., compelling me to rotate my posterior extravagantly and ostentatiously, but this was the point at which a few of my more neglected muscles started a gentle protest. Post-event video confirmed that the twerking was more pronounced the nearer you got to the stage!
Missfits fitted right in
Becky Scott’s movement session was stretchy, without being stretching, affirmative and beautiful. I had earlier had a conversation (and an uncoordinated, breathless pairing in Tally Rye’s movement session) with Gabriela, a soon-to-be website founder who said she loved attending training classes run by people who “look like me” – meaning those with plus-size figures. The icon of Missfits Workout, as it turned out, was one of those trainers who she was talking about. I chatted with Becky afterwards and loved the warmth of her personality.
Taking #iweigh to the London borough of Bromley
Remember, what Jameela said early on? About starting I Weigh, with PMS, in the back of a tour van? I Weigh and its messages can’t grow in isolation. They need support and supporters. That’s why I am talking about it via every channel I can (such as this community podcast episode) and to people I meet, now, day in, day out. It is also why Clarity Coach Zeenat Noorani and I have the I Weigh badges and towel on in the image above, standing in front of a map of Bromley, where we live, and where we started our own campaign, Let’s Talk Better. We can help I Weigh ‘on the ground’ by spreading the word here and beyond, and we will. That starts in earnest with this blog post and at our upcoming first anniversary event, ‘Celebrating Positivity’, on 22nd February. That was why I asked about the T shirts. Plus, I quite like the idea of strolling about with a T-Shirt emblazoned with the word ‘NO’.
What impact did the event really have on me? Gaining a sense of lasting relief from being with good people doing exceptional things. Pleasure at knowing that people from across the UK and beyond are pushing back against the most dangerous impacts of advertising and social media. Concern as, for all that I Weigh is doing, there is so much more to be done before we humans can feel comfortable in our own skins.
Missing men?
Is there even more to be done among men? Out of around 160 attendees, I was one of rather less than 10 men present, including the people there to work. This came some time after I had attended a book launch Q & A session run for Michelle Elman and Megan Jayne Crabbe. I had been the only man in a room of 50 or so people. The book was titled ‘The Importance Of Being Selfish’. Both that and ‘Movement for the mind’ theme of I Weigh aren’t gender-specific. At I Weigh, once again, I felt a little like I was a delegate for another gender. When I did find a first fellow man to speak to, he told me that he didn’t really know what the event was for, but he had thought it might be fun, so he bought a ticket. Are men sleepwalking through what is a widely acknowledged mental health crisis? Are we even more part of it in our impact on women by not thinking about this stuff? Questions I would like to put to male friendship expert Max Dickins, who may have picked up insights into this along the way. Jameela Jamil has spoken on her podcast about the need to engage men, and did here as well. I am going to talk about I Weigh at the often male-dominated business networking events I attend, especially the one I mention below.
Exercise horror!
I had a shock one week after the event when I attended a business networking group that I visit from time to time. It has a rather laddish culture: swearing (I can’t cope with swearing in a meeting that starts at 6.30am!) and anatomical jokes are the norm. Unlike at the I Weigh event, men outnumber women. One movement instructor, I won’t say which variety, delivered a short ‘elevator’ pitch, and talked about their studio being a ‘torture chamber’, filled with devices to suspend and contort clients. They recounted how one recent client had screamed during a session. This produced laughter from the room, and horror from me. How has our attitude to health and movement normalised this?
Little wonder, then, that Jameela had said, “This movement is about finding trainers to help us do it for ourselves.” Certainly not those who take exercise as meaning that sweating, hurting, and most of all throwing up are a “badge of honour”.
I Weigh pride
My blue I Weigh gym sweat towel is now proudly adorned with two I Weigh badges that I took home, and it might even find its way into an actual gym! Where I will be, in the spirit of I Weigh, under no pressure to do anything.
Because I am fine, just as I am.
We all are. Or we should be.
Darren Weale, 27 January 2024
Support footnote – and The Perfection Trap
The I Weigh event was contributed to by several businesses. Movements move faster with money and people to help them, so credit to ASICS, the Cerina App, FHIRST Living Soda, Grass & Co, Liquid Death drinks, SCULPTED by Aimee, and more. And, of course, to Radfield Home Care in Bromley, who have helped us. Though I Weigh is much more a message than it is product or service, and it is the message that is important.
The author of ‘The Perfection Trap’, Thomas Curran, says in that book that there is a very strong and unhealthy link between things being identified that should be good for us, problems that need to be solved, and the sale of commercial products and services. “Think positive! (Yes!) Unlock your potential! (Yes!!) You’ve got this! (Yes!!!)… Here’s a gym membership (Oh). You only have to peel back the wafer-thin facade of this age-old [advertising] industry and you’ll invariably find the timeless detail: not cool enough, not fit enough, not attractive enough, not productive enough without a certain brand, subscription, gadget or commodity.”
He goes on to say, “We are who we are: the rickety lump of imperfection that we go to sleep with every night. Embracing those flaws, being kind to ourselves, and recognising that to be human is to be fallible is the equivalent of taking a sledgehammer to perfectionism. Keep practising self-compassion whenever this world tries to defeat you. Because no matter what the advert says, you will go on with your imperfect existence whether you make that purchase or not. And that existence is – can only ever be – enough.”
Anniversary event 22 February 2024
As 2024 begins, we will be looking forward to celebrating the first anniversary of the #LetsTalkBetter campaign with an event themed ‘Celebrating Positivity’.
Moving on from 2023 with its three events, Zeenat’s being named as a ‘One In A Million’ figure in a national magazine, and inspiring and creating better conversations around #stigma and #taboo and other topics, we pick up the thread again in 2024.
That includes Founders Zeenat Noorani and Darren Weale saying, ”Thank you to all of you who have supported us on our journey so far. Without you by our side, this would not happen. Together, we are creating positive change.”
Tickets here.
Where darkness lies, there is HOPE…
Growing from strength to strength by bringing people together with shared visions of making a difference in opening up difficult conversations around taboos and stigmas, the Let’s Talk Better (LTB) themed event ‘The Last Taboo’, on 21st September 2023, couldn’t have gone any better.
There are so many unspoken or feared topics which we seldom talk about, and that needs to change. LTB Founders Zeenat Noorani and Darren Weale chose to have this event focus on two taboo topics: Financial Distress, something that is affecting far too many people right now in the UK due to the cost-of-living crisis, and Suicide which has sadly been on the rise, more and more affecting young people.
Both, Zeenat and Darren were delighted with the turnout once again and the positive impact that this event made on those present. News of what we are doing is spreading far and wide beyond the Borough of Bromley. It is only the start and there is much more to come. LTB celebrates its ‘One Year Anniversary’ on 22nd February 2024. Mark your diaries – you don’t want to miss this!
Back to our latest event. Firstly, thank you to Community House for the venue and all your support. Event compere and speaker Zeenat Noorani said, “We want to say a huge thank you to all those who attended, with special thanks to Simi Ghuman and Chanice Baugh of Radfield Home Care for sponsoring the event, and the amazing speakers who shared wonderful insights, as well as heartfelt personal stories that have impacted their mental wellbeing.
“Thank you to the Mayor of Bromley Cllr Mike Botting and MP Gareth Bacon for saying a few words and sharing some of your own personal insights. LTB is grateful for your support.”
It was wonderful to have Richard Cox of Richard Cox Wealth Management speak on Financial Distress and he gave some valuable tips on financial stress, how it happens, what looks like, and how to try to prevent it.
Suicide attempt survivor Nick Wilson drove all the way from Milton Keynes and met Zeenat for the first time in person (having been the first guest on her Mindset Matters Radio Show on Channel Radio). He spoke about how listening to lived experiences of mental health, disability and suicide helped to save his life and how he now helps people to share their own stories.
Neil Peters, Suicide Prevention Consultant, shared key information about identifying people with suicidal thoughts; how to offer support, listening tips, and what to say and do.
Two touching videos were specially recorded for and shared at the event. One by Mike McCarthy, co-founder of the Baton of Hope suicide prevention campaign, who told us about the loss of his son, Ross.
The other was by Steve Phillip, fellow co-founder the Baton of Hope, and his own cause, The Jordan Legacy, spoke about losing his son Jordan to suicide.
Zeenat spoke for the very first time in public about a part of her life where she fell pregnant and she almost took her own life. She reflected subsequently, “Vulnerability, though, and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they are never a weakness.”
We welcomed back singer-songwriter Oliver Anderson, who sang two beautiful and profound songs about toxic relationships, ‘Burning Leaves’ and ‘Surrender’.
It was an eventful day of emotions: highs, lows, moments of connection and moments of honest conversations, bringing a sense of relief to many. The day entailed some interactive activities, The Tree of Expression where attendees reflected on their thoughts and feelings, writing them on cut-out paper leaves to attach to the tree of that name. Inspired by Shauna Darling Robertson poetry for young people’s mental health, we all took part in contributing lines of verse to create a LTB cohort poem that will become our signature poem.
The Let’s Talk Better campaign aims to contribute towards creating a world without Taboos and Stigmas, where conversations are open on all topics. Join us on the 22nd of February 2024 for Let’s Talk Better’s One Year Anniversary, where light will be shed on how better conversations contribute to the hopes and successes of people’s lives.
Zeenat Noorani, 3 October 2023
The Last Taboo – event 21st September
Our next #LetsTalkbetter event is on the 21st of September, themed ‘The Last Taboo’ at Community House in Bromley.
The Mayor of Bromley, Cllr Mike Botting, and Member of Parliament for Orpington, Gareth Bacon, will be attending.
The name ‘The Last Taboo’ has been chosen because the term is commonly used to describe a number of uncomfortable topics. That simply shows that there are too many taboo topics. Let’s Talk Better is working to normalise conversations about numerous topics that are currently treated as taboo. Serious harm can and does result from taboo topics being avoided in conversation. Many stressful and traumatic life events would be much more every day and simple to handle if they were not treated as taboos. For example, the onset of puberty, menstruation, and menopause.
Other life events could be prevented or addressed much more quickly and easily if they were no longer taboo, and we have picked two taboo topics as the focus of this event:
1. Financial distress, with speaker Richard Cox
2. Suicide with Let’s Talk Better Co-Founder Zeenat Noorani and specially recorded contributions from Steve Phillips (Jordan Legacy) and Mike McCarthy, Founders of the Baton Of Hope suicide prevention campaign.
In addition, there are interactive sessions and music from local performer Oliver Anderson.
The event will be held between 11.15am and 1.30pm on Thursday 21st September at Community House in Bromley. Ticket link here: www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/the-last-taboo-lets-talk-better-tickets-692296827447.
Once again, Let’s Talk Better will bring together people involved in related activities and projects in the local area and beyond.
We continue to support our chosen charity, CASPA.
Tickets here.
Talking Better – Loneliness and Connection
Community House in Bromley was the very appropriate setting for the second Let’s Talk Better event on 26th May. Much of our premise is around the fact that we need to talk better both as individuals and as communities, and so being in a hub of the community made sense. Community is something that needs to be cherished and preserved, so there was an irony to the fact that Community House is in the throes of being sold off by the Council, years after investment and sponsorship made it into the home of charities, social enterprises and community events it is today.
This event focussed on Loneliness and Connection, two topics that are closely related and at a time when loneliness has been described as an epidemic by some.
Let’s Talk Better – event 2, 26th May
Photo: by Pete Bresser
In 2022, In Tune PR’s Founder, Darren Weale, co-created a new campaign called Let’s Talk Better, with Mindset and Wellbeing Coach, Zeenat Noorani. The campaign aims to be a catalyst for better conversations, with a practical focus on Bromley, and a toolkit to inspire change elsewhere. The debut, launch event on 24th February was a great success, very much exciting those who attended, including the Mayor of Bromley, Cllr Hannah Gray, and stimulating the kind of conversations that people rarely have in public or in private. You can read more from the Let’s Talk Better blog, here.
Now, the second event has been lined up. With the theme of Loneliness and Connection, this has a variety of speakers, performers and experiences, and has a focus on one of the great sadnesses of contemporary society – loneliness – and one of the great antidotes to it and much more, connection. This event takes place on 26th May, and features the new Mayor of Bromley, and what is again a unique mix of talents.
Tickets are available here.
Thoughts on our Loneliness and Connection event on 26 May 2023
By Zeenat Noorani
First posted on LinkedIn on 10 April 2023
Over the past couple of days, I have sat here thinking about the Lets Talk Better event on Loneliness and Connection which will be held on the 26th of May 2023.
And recently, having a conversation with Helayna Carole Jenkins, Principal Loneliness Campion of Bromley, and Darren Weale, I knew that in my thinking I was not alone. And that our past experiences had similar linings.
The word #loneliness has really got me thinking even more deeply, especially because I have been impacted by this feeling of isolation on many occasions for numerous factors in life, and there are people really close to me who are suffering from this and it is impacting their #mentalhealth .
I want to ask you your thoughts on #loneliness … Often the perception is that it is associated with the elderly generation… This is not the case.
👉🏼 Can you be happy but be lonely at the same time?
👉🏼 How do you see or define the meaning of loneliness and the impact it can have on our mental #wellbeing?
👉🏼 Is it possible to feel connected and lonely at the same time?
👉🏼 Is it always possible to see signs of when someone is lonely?
👉🏼 What factors come into play that you believe can lead to loneliness?
We are so lucky and thanks to the proliferation of digital technology we can remain connected- pretty much anytime and anywhere with people at our fingertips. Yet, at the same time, there are people that feel lonely and sad but not necessarily depressed. Though depression is a growing concern as a direct impact of loneliness, more and more.
🤔Do you ever get the feeling, somewhere between your chest and your gut — this sensation of something being not quite right, that something is missing? A feeling of being more, yet less, connected than ever. And it’s a feeling that appears to be becoming increasingly common.
‼️Please do not suffer in silence. Reach out to someone (family member, trusted friend, or a professional) and talk. There is hope and light at the end of the tunnel.
If you know that someone is feeling down and their behaviour patterns have changed, reach out to them and give them your ear and support.
Declaration of Let’s Talk Better
The Let’s Talk Better campaign is built on a series of principles, summed up as the Declaration of Let’s Talk Better, below. This is our view based on our thinking and experience to date, but this will change in some respects going forwards, as life and the times we live in are not a constant.
- ‘All of us can learn to be better at talking and listening to fellow humans’*;
- ‘The only way that we are going to achieve genuine closeness is to have better conversations with each other’*;
- The value of conversation runs across society, from boardrooms to bedrooms, from schools to nursing homes, from parliament to the pub;
- Difficult issues can be resolved by cultivating understanding and the ability to have positive conversations;
- Cultures of silence and taboos do harm. It is often important to #breakthesilence and to talk;
- We need to talk better and more consistently about the truly big issues where action is imperative and do not allow them to be marginalised by transitory headlines. Then more issues that matter will be resolved, from climate change to toxic workplaces, and more;
- Talking better helps to build wellbeing, improve relationships, deepen friendships and shared understanding, reduces loneliness, helps mental health, and should fight bigotry and discrimination;
- Better conversations include listening to each other in a calm, open and respectful way on all topics. There are limits, however. Dr Charlotte Fox Weber has spoken of a current trend towards ‘living out loud”. She refers to it as “a broadcasting of emotions that can be overly exposing when people feel that they have to tell their entire story to everyone. Sometimes you can speak your truth, you can know your truth, without having to say everything to everyone”. Some matters are, consequently, best shared with and addressed by qualified expert coaches and therapists;
- Sharing relevant stories – as Stacey Dooley has around mental health and the young, as Nihal Arthanayake has in Let’s Talk, as Max Dickins has in Billy No-Mates, and Johan Hari has in Stolen Focus – is important;
- Change is achievable. Pressures such as new technology and changes to work-life balance do not inevitably mean that people’s attention continues to erode, and that the art of conversation continues to decline. We can innovate and help people to talk more and in better ways, to achieve better mindsets and over all wellbeing.
* From one of our inspirations, Let’s Talk, by Nihal Arthanayake
Something must be done to help present and future generations. So #LetsTalkBetter starts now.
Zeenat Noorani and Darren Weale, 2 April 2023
Let's Talk Better 